Nurse Selphie
by Raven The Dark Angel
Summary: What happens when Selphie has a little bit too much caffeine and gets into Dr. Kadowaki's medical supplies?


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Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII and it's charters…blah, blah, blah

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Author's note: This is a humorous fanfic, so don't take this seriously. And thank you Jade for helping me with this story.

Nurse Selphie

By Raven the Dark Angel

It was a typical day in Balamb Garden. The birds sang their usual morning song. The sun shined brightly in the cloudless rich blue skies. Students roamed throughout the halls finding their classrooms or studying. The cafeteria had the usual long line for hot dogs. 

In the dorm Irvine flipped through his latest magazine.

"Ohh, baby!" he shouted as he opened up the centerfold.

It was a picture of the shotgun model Exeter.

Suddenly, he got a paper cut. And he screamed so loud that it echoed throughout Garden's walls. The next thing he knew, Selphie burst into his room, in a nurse outfit. 

A short white mini-dress clung to her body as if it were a second skin. Her stethoscope swung around her neck from her hyper hopping. Selphie then adjusted her nurse cap with the Red Cross sewn on it.

"Nurse Selphie to the rescue!" she screamed at the top of her lungs and threw her fist high into the air. Her white knee-high boots clunked against the tiled floor.

Irvine just dropped his magazine and his jaw. An expression of dumfoundedment widened his eyes to the size of saucers. _Hey Selphie, a nurse…_ he thought, _hmm this is way better than my magazine…_

"What's wrong, Irvy?" she asked now on top of him, examining every inch of his body.

He showed her his finger, which she grabbed rather roughly, and explained, "It's just a paper cut." 

He then proceeded to take her into a kiss, but Selphie screamed shattering Irvine's ears, "My God! You're _bleeding_!!!"

"It's just-"

She cut him off, "You'll bleed to death if we don't stop this!"

She grabbed her medical kit and scrambled through it throwing all sorts of doctor supplies out as she searched. Irvine tilted his head to the side dodging a propelled hammer.

He stood and rested his hands on her shoulders. Selphie jumped in a 180-degree turn to face him. A look of concern painted her innocent face.

"Irvy!" she scolded and forcefully shoved him back on the bed, "Don't move! You might bleed more or open up any other wound!"

A devious smirk floated across his face like a saxophone playing a sassy tune. "Oh Sefy, I think I've been hurt here," he pointed to his pants.

Selphie's eyes grew huge with concern. She sprang on top him and was about to rip his jeans off, until she realized what was really on his mind. "You pervert!!!" she screamed and smacked him hard on the arm. "I'm trying to help the injured and here you are trying to play bedroom games!"

Irvine pouted innocently. "I can't help it when I'm around beautiful women."

Selphie glared at him as she reached in her bag to reveal medical gauze.

"Uh…I don't think I need that," he explained, "It's just a paper cut. A tiny Band-Aid will do."

She ignored him and began to wrap his finger and then his hand.

"Uh Selphie?" Irvine piped.

After his arm was covered she began to work on his chest. "Selphie?!" Irvine yelled with panic as he watched her wrap the other arm.

He began to thrash wildly but she held him forcefully down with her legs wrapped around him.

"Ya know, Sefy I would enjoy you in this position under normal circumstances, but you're killing me with your stupid gau-"

The cloth wrapped around his mouth cut him off. His yelling became nothing more then muffles. He kicked as she hid his hair and cowboy hat with the protective gauze. She then worked on his legs and everywhere else until he was completely wrapped up like an Egyptian mummy.

"There!" she exclaimed triumphantly.

"Mmm!!!" Irvine replied with wide scared eyes.

She then amazingly lifted him up and roughly flung him onto a wheelchair. He landed on the leather seat with an **ugh**.

She gave him a mischievous hyper smile and began to wheel him to the cafeteria.

As they walked in, Squall caught sight of the two and abruptly held the fork still to his open mouth. Zell and Rinoa saw his face and turned around to see the sight.

Selphie happily rolled Irvine's wheelchair to the cafeteria bench and skipped off into the distance to happen upon some other poor unsuspecting student.

"The hell happened to you?!" Zell exclaimed.

"Mmmm!" Irvine tried to answer.

Squall and Rinoa helped each other remove most of the gauze off his face and legs.

"Selphie is what happened to me!" he yelled at him.

"I knew something strange was going to happen to today," Rinoa put in, "She had a whole pot of coffee this morning and five candy bars." She grinned widely. "I had some too!"

Squall sighed and covered his face. "I'm banning you two from any caffeine!"

"Oh c'mon, Squall," Rinoa teased slyly, "You're telling me you didn't like it?"

"Like what?" Zell asked eager to know.

Squall's face grew beat red and Irvine grew extremely angry.

"Why is it that everything I want to happen to me, happens to Squall?!" Irvine wined.

"The hell are you talking about?" Zell asked totally oblivious.

Rinoa smirked at Squall who smiled the same sly way. He excused himself and dragged his angel off by the hand.

"Why?!" Irvine squeaked with envy.

Zell scratched his head questionably. "I still don't under-"

Irvine cut him off, "You're such an idiot, chicken-wuss!"

"Chicken-wuss?!" Zell gritted his teeth and punched the air as he sat. "Remember your arms are still tied, Cowboy-freak!"

Irvine's eyes narrowed and he swiftly kicked him in the shin.

"Ouuuuu!" Zell screeched, but then quickly covered him mouth.

Irvine smiled widely at a scared to death Zell.

Selphie burst to the scene and shouted in the manor of a super hero, "Nurse Selphie to the rescue!"

End

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Author's note: Well, I hope you guys liked it. This is my first attempt at humor, and as usual all criticism is welcome. And don't worry I'm still writing "The Eyes of the Lion". It takes me a while, and I got a little writer's block and wrote this. I hope you enjoyed it. ^_~!


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